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Updates
Jun. 22nd, 2009 | 04:25 pm
Becca's in Minnesota, as you all know. Being in a remote area involves a lot of luck; it's a great opportunity to have an awesome time, or a horribly shit one. Or both. Good luck, Goober.
What's changed in a year? I've come to terms with the grading system. I've been to Europe. I've explored the drawbacks of regular pot use. I know a lot more about Ecology then I used to. I'm even more liberal than I used to be. It's a slippery slope.
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on motivation, the lack thereof, and willpower, which should be excercised often lest you lose it
Oct. 3rd, 2008 | 01:51 am
Unfortunately, if you're a really selfish person, like myself, you can easily find yourself lacking "motivation". There's no good reason that anyone should follow the rules. It doesn't help you, and you just forfeit your ability to make a decision. Thus, the rebel stage, the anti-establishment punk rocker, is born. Unfortunately, society isn't really set up to teach people how to motivate themselves without rules. Why would it? Then people wouldn't need society. So, the drug taking, burger flipping, ranting, blogging anarchist in his low income apartment thinks he's living totally for himself, completely free of the dregs of society and conformity. Unfortunately for him, there are two parts to the equation, and he's gotten rid of social restriction without giving himself an alternate form of motivation. He's made himself a slave to Easy, that inborn motivation everyone has to exert the least effort for the most enjoyment. His problem is he doesn't understand how his will works.
Rules are reasonable. You do A, because B. Don't C, or else D. Willpower is different. Reason and willpower are separate. You can use reason to decide what to will, but then you do it simply because you chose to. (Some might say I'm splitting hairs. They might be right.) That's why you can have all the reasons in the world to do something, but you just don't do it. The reason is there, it makes sense to follow through with the action, but you just expect that to carry itself, because that's what you're taught. But action isn't a product of reason, it's a product of will. In the end, you do things for no reason whatsoever. You do things because you want to, because you can. And if you want to shun rules, you better get this first. Or you might end up at the bottom of a motivational vacuum (where, on some days, you'll find me, lolling hopelessly).
Sometimes when I write, there's a good chance I'm being rash and will shake my head regretfully on some obscure day in the future, when I reread what I've written. This may very well be one of those times.
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On Voting (which I won't be doing, so apparently I can't complain)
Aug. 6th, 2008 | 01:14 am
I'm not voting. Not out of laziness or pessimism, but on principle. By voting, I would be saying, "Yes, I think that our elections are fair and legitimate examples of democracy." But they're not. The concept of democracy is a government that's ruled by the governed, but what role do the governed play in our government? They cast votes and choose officials that would best represent them. Err... no. They cast votes and choose government officials who stabbed plenty of backs to make it onto that platform, they choose congressman who can win mudslinging contests and raise campaign funds and advertise the fuck out of themselves, making promises that they're in no way bound to keep. Once they're elected, no-one's happy. Everyone's like, "Who elected this guy?" Well, we did. We elected them when we voted, even if we voted for some independent candidate that should actually have been elected. Because by voting, we said, "Yes, this system is fair. Yes, I'm satisfied. Yes, I voted, and that's all that can really be expected of me, and now I can complain."
As ranty as that sounds, I do have an alternative. Well, it's not actually mine. It's called parliament. It's not perfect, but it's far better than what we've got, because in parliament, you don't elect people. Instead, you elect parties. This is kind of a drawback for obvious reasons, but on the up side, you don't have to get the majority vote to count for something. If a party wins 15% of parliament, then they get to fill 15% of the seats. So, then minority votes do count. Yeah, you still get your major parties running the show, but at least if you don't want the british equivalent of an elephant or a donkey, the country doesn't go, "Thanks for wasting your vote. Now, you've taken your vote away from the major candidate closest to your ideals, effectively giving the guy that should never in a million years be elected the two percent lead he needed to rule the free world. At least you can complain."
Epilogue:
Sorry all. I'm not entirely sober tonight, so I'm pretty sure this isn't the best thing I've ever typed. As long as the general rant feeling comes across, though, then I'll be satisfied.
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His*
Jul. 7th, 2008 | 03:07 am
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Fresh off the boat
Jul. 7th, 2008 | 02:26 am
Me: Hello, my name's Ben
Silent masses: Hi Ben.
Me: It has been fourteen months since I posted anything online.
And I'm still not sure how well me and livejournal are going to get along. I've got a pretty bad case of writer's block. I'll talk anyone's ear off who will listen, but when it comes to writing, I feel like I need something to say first, and usually when I feel like I'm at a point in my life when I really have something worth telling about, I don't want to waste that moment in front of a computer screen. Then as quickly as it came, the moment's gone, and I'm left with no one but the blinking cursor once again, like journalistic blue balls.
Purpose implies intent. To have purpose, something must be directed with some intention. So if you don't believe in a god, or at least not one of the personal persuasion, then life has no intrinsic purpose. All purpose is made by people, directed by how they intend life to be. Each person is in complete control of his* purpose in life.
Becca's been telling me this for months, but it took reading Einstein for it all to click. Call it my arrogant desire to be right and feel smart. Ten months spent looking for the conclusion that was lying frustrated in bed next to me. Boot to the head.
For all of you uninformed, I'm in Minnesota right now, working through the summer on a portage crew in a wilderness area. To summarize, I go on eight day canoe trips cleaning up campsites and the trails between lakes, eating mediocre meals, and seeing the most amazing stars reflected up out of the most amazingly clear water. If you canoe out in the middle of a lake on a clear night, you'll momentarily forget what planet you're on or that you're on a planet at all, and you'll be paddling through galaxies with only the occasional wolf cry keeping you company in the vastness of empty space.
I'm not exactly sure what I'll post here. This could be a phase, and I may not post again for months, my journal sitting like the frame of an ill funded and half finished house. A lot of good ideas are pipe dreams waiting to be identified. I feel like I'm at a kind of turning point in my life. Not to say that I'm changing directions, but I've gotten to a point where the highway divides and I have to make a decision again, the first one in miles. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I have no compass, no map, and an only semi-reliable sense of direction. Such is life. Every once in a while you wake up and realize what had been hiding in the back of your mind all along. You're still petty, still selfish, still a child, and you still have a very long way to go.